So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
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