Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
