It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
