she looked like the bat from fern gully.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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