My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
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