It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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