My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Randomize