someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
there was a trapeze. enough said
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
