i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
