I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
