My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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