If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
