Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize
