evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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