so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Randomize
