party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
As shirtless as possible
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
