Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize