I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
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