I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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