You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
