if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
I could have mohawked her pubes.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
