Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
