You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
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