i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
