So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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