Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
