So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Randomize
