he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
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