Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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