Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize
