he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Randomize
