Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
