and my herpes radar will keep us safe
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
