HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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