I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
