the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
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