The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
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