I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I'm getting married
To pizza
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Randomize
