college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
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My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
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He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
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