I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
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The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
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These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?