I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
These 25 People Had Very Inappropriate Sexual Relations(hips)
You know, be my cock's hype man.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
These 31 People Are Lazier Than You Could Ever Imagine
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina