I molested 6 butterflies tonight
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
she peed on how many people?
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty