I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
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