life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
These People Are The Epitome of Lazy
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Disturbing Scenes People Witnessed As Children
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.