He disabled his match.com account in front of me
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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