I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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