Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Randomize