so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Randomize
