the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize
