Please, let me fuck your mom
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
