At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Randomize
