One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Randomize
