Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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