Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
