just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
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