you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Randomize
