I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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