I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
