May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
