I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
