Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
