I feel like I'm in dance class right now
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Randomize
