ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
